Mother's Day Eve…when mothers leave out milk
and cookies, hoping an elf will trade them for mimosas and brunch. Or in my house, when Mama just hopes to sleep
past 5:30 without being asked to sing about popping weasels or Darlin' Clementine.
Motherhood has been wild and unpredictable; not something I usually like. I'll say it. I'm a control freak. But, I love being a mother. Even when I have not a clue what's coming next or how to "do" what needs doing. It's a wild, out of control ride and I wouldn't give up my tickets.
A little background…I've always been uncertain. About everything. I always wonder if I'm doing it right. Motherhood has not made this less of a reality for me, it's just that I'm so tired and busy much of the time, that I can only wonder and worry half as much as I used to. (And for those of you who know me well, holy [expletive] that's a lot of worry!) The rest of the time I'm trying to keep my head above water.
We are at the point of our children's lives when Miss Five is now old enough to realize that there are some things more powerful than Mama and the Mr. What a shocking revelation this was for her and for the dynamics of our family. "But why can't you fix it Mama? Why can't you make it all better?" How hard to explain that no matter how big a mama's love is, there are some things that are bigger than mama. For a few days there were a lot of questions that seemed to be focused on shoring up her belief that she was safe. Finally we hit on the idea that no matter how big something is, if Mama can't change it, she can be right beside you and holding your hand; loving you. We have begun saying goodnight with "Love is the most powerful thing, and I love you a lot!"
Being a mother has made me very, very humble. It's hard to take yourself too seriously or rest too contentedly on your laurels when your child is always growing and changing. The risks and dangers can change overnight. Today I told the story of how my child poked herself in the eye with scissors at age two. (*Spoiler: She is fine and her eye was not damaged.) However, at the time, I made the 911 call in hysterics. I waited for the response team in panic. I held on the line with the nice dispatcher while my, now calm, daughter kept repeating "I poked scissors in ma eye. No touch it." into the open line. Living in a small town, the response team is comprised of your next door neighbors, friends of your parents, and perhaps the woman who assisted your mother in child-birth. You are going to see these people again. Frequently. For months, I would run into one of them and have to go through the embarrassment of reliving that night, complete with "…and the funniest part of the whole call was Miss Five saying '…poke scissors in ma eye…' ".
We moved not long after that.
There is nothing like watching your child get hurt that shakes your faith in yourself as guardian and protector. I used to think it was just my own uncertain brain that had this thought. Then I started to spend more time with other mamas. Film-makers have nothing on the real-life slow motion effect that is a mother trying to get to her child when an injury is imminent. Mamas are superwomen without visible capes. And their superpower? The ability to soothe away pain and fear with kisses and crooning, hugs and gentle pats. Today I watched one of the best mothers I know face this reality. She still doesn't know the grace she had under pressure, although I hope she has since forgiven herself. I watched her heart break for her child, but I also watched the child melt into her mother, find comfort in her embrace and find faith that the world was safe again in mama's arms. This is all the child will remember.
So to all my mama friends out there…You are fabulous. You are amazing. You are doing an impossible job with grace and courage every day that you get up and simply love your child, try to keep them safe, and show them your humanity. Never doubt for a moment that you are the superhero your child thinks you are.
Motherhood has been wild and unpredictable; not something I usually like. I'll say it. I'm a control freak. But, I love being a mother. Even when I have not a clue what's coming next or how to "do" what needs doing. It's a wild, out of control ride and I wouldn't give up my tickets.
A little background…I've always been uncertain. About everything. I always wonder if I'm doing it right. Motherhood has not made this less of a reality for me, it's just that I'm so tired and busy much of the time, that I can only wonder and worry half as much as I used to. (And for those of you who know me well, holy [expletive] that's a lot of worry!) The rest of the time I'm trying to keep my head above water.
We are at the point of our children's lives when Miss Five is now old enough to realize that there are some things more powerful than Mama and the Mr. What a shocking revelation this was for her and for the dynamics of our family. "But why can't you fix it Mama? Why can't you make it all better?" How hard to explain that no matter how big a mama's love is, there are some things that are bigger than mama. For a few days there were a lot of questions that seemed to be focused on shoring up her belief that she was safe. Finally we hit on the idea that no matter how big something is, if Mama can't change it, she can be right beside you and holding your hand; loving you. We have begun saying goodnight with "Love is the most powerful thing, and I love you a lot!"
Being a mother has made me very, very humble. It's hard to take yourself too seriously or rest too contentedly on your laurels when your child is always growing and changing. The risks and dangers can change overnight. Today I told the story of how my child poked herself in the eye with scissors at age two. (*Spoiler: She is fine and her eye was not damaged.) However, at the time, I made the 911 call in hysterics. I waited for the response team in panic. I held on the line with the nice dispatcher while my, now calm, daughter kept repeating "I poked scissors in ma eye. No touch it." into the open line. Living in a small town, the response team is comprised of your next door neighbors, friends of your parents, and perhaps the woman who assisted your mother in child-birth. You are going to see these people again. Frequently. For months, I would run into one of them and have to go through the embarrassment of reliving that night, complete with "…and the funniest part of the whole call was Miss Five saying '…poke scissors in ma eye…' ".
We moved not long after that.
There is nothing like watching your child get hurt that shakes your faith in yourself as guardian and protector. I used to think it was just my own uncertain brain that had this thought. Then I started to spend more time with other mamas. Film-makers have nothing on the real-life slow motion effect that is a mother trying to get to her child when an injury is imminent. Mamas are superwomen without visible capes. And their superpower? The ability to soothe away pain and fear with kisses and crooning, hugs and gentle pats. Today I watched one of the best mothers I know face this reality. She still doesn't know the grace she had under pressure, although I hope she has since forgiven herself. I watched her heart break for her child, but I also watched the child melt into her mother, find comfort in her embrace and find faith that the world was safe again in mama's arms. This is all the child will remember.
So to all my mama friends out there…You are fabulous. You are amazing. You are doing an impossible job with grace and courage every day that you get up and simply love your child, try to keep them safe, and show them your humanity. Never doubt for a moment that you are the superhero your child thinks you are.
Love to you and your families! Happy Mother's Day!
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